Similarities of "Biscuit" the Goldfish

When faced with a life threatening condition a number of things change. For me, life has been reprioritised, and as an existing “heart on the sleeve” wearer, I have become even more emotional as has been demonstrated this week as I watched the Boyzone programme about Stephen Gately and Eddie Izzard's incredible marathon of marathons as I sat there quietly with only an occasional sniffle to break the silence. I watched Children's Hospital last night and was in complete awe of those children's fight and courage. If there was ever a demonstration of hope and determination it comes from those beautiful children.

My view of death has also changed. It's something I have always been incredibly scared of, and that hasn't changed. I have had my fair share of dreams of being locked in a coffin alive and hovering above myself lying on a bed as my family are all sat around me saying their final goodbyes. I know I'm not alone on that. As we speak, death is around me, not for myself or a friend or family member but for, (now don't laugh, go with me on this one and all should become clearer); our pet goldfish.

We lost 1 of 4 goldfish last week. It happened very quickly and there wasn't much we could do. As I explained to my 4-year old Son that Jammie had gone to heaven (via the toilet), Callum remains convinced that we will be reunited with Jammie in “Devon” on our holiday in a few weeks time. It's hard to explain the concept of heaven to a 4-year old, especially when he refers to it as a holiday destination!

On Monday, our second goldfish, Biscuit, and one of our oldest at 3.5 years old started to act unwell.

Biscuit, looked and seemed well until then. You would never have known Biscuit was suffering a life threatening condition nor do I know for how long. No obvious markings, and until yesterday, no strange movements. To the onlooker all seemed to be well. All of a sudden Biscuit lost his / her balance, his / her control had gone and Biscuit looked on with a glazed expression, breathless.

I found Biscuit's inability to control his / her balance and his / her abnormal rolling unnaturally distressing yesterday morning and found myself to be first in the queue at opening time at Pets at Home to hear a diagnosis of swim bladder in complete panic. I took the treatment home, but sadly it was too late for Biscuit.

As I lifted Biscuit out of the tank he / she took a breath, was this a breath and a small sign of life or a bodily / chemical reaction when lifted from the water? I do know the answer, but Biscuit remained in his / her tank until I found the courage to accept it was time to take a trip to “Devon”.

Biscuits condition may be similar to mine. You just would never have guessed, until one day it showed itself.

May Biscuit and Jammie RIP in “Devon”.