How This Journey Began

My Lymphoma journey began in September 2009.

I discovered a small lump in my left groin area and was sure I had never noticed it before.  It took a few days before I saw my GP to have the lump checked.  I was told not to worry it was likely just muscle hardening, but if I felt any real discomfort or pain then I should make my way to A & E as it could be a strangulated femoral hernia!  Hmm, what options I have.

I put the lump to the back of my mind, and other than an occasional check and becoming convinced it was enlarging, I did nothing further until December.

My Sister came to stay and at this point I was in a little discomfort, mainly because of it's size.  She convinced me to get a second opinion which I did a few days later.

It was a Thursday, and a different GP arranged an urgent scan and urgent referral to the Hospital. The lump had trebled in size since my last GP appointment.  We intervened with private health cover that same evening and by Monday I was at the Hampshire Clinic for an appointment with a Consultant Surgeon. I just couldn't wait for the NHS.

I came away from that appointment slightly concerned.  I needed an MRI which took place the following day and the rest of that week ensued with further tests, CT scans, ECG's and the outcome was surgery to take a closer look.

Tuesday, the day of surgergy came, I went in under general anaesthetic for a biopsy. An hour or so later I came round to find a drain in my leg which seemed odd for a biopsy but I didn't have to wait long.

The Surgeon came to see me and a sizeable tumour had been removed.  When pushed, the first ever reference to Lymphoma came and my world immediately somersaulted.

A week later, pathology confirmed the Lymphoma and on 23 December 2009 Follicular Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma was the official diagnosis.

My world now did more than somersault, it turned upside down.   Right on top of Christmas.  I hadn't done much in the way of shopping as life had gone on hold for the 2 weeks prior however Christmas went to plan and we ensured a good time was had by all.  But Lymphoma became and has become my every waking thought and never fails to dissapoint in my dreams.

29 December saw me back in hospital for a bone marrow biopsy - a necessary procedure to help stage and grade the Lymphoma. An unpleasant procedure and a wealth of emotions flowed immediately after.

On 13 January 2010 it was confirmed I had Stage 4 FNHL.  The FNHL had reached both of my legs, abdomen, chest and bone marrow.

The next few days and weeks became a blur as I quite honestly struggled to cope.  The whole range of emotions overtook my day-to-day life...life stopped.  I couldn't look at my Husband and Son without my premature life flashing before my very eyes.

It was agreed that as I was not feeling ill, and as the B symptoms they look out for where not showing themselves, that I would go on a watch and wait approach which I continue to be on now.

Lenny Lymphoma will progress - my Haematologist was very honest in telling me due to the advanced stage I was not curable, but symptoms can be treated to provide a good quality of life.

I spent 2 months away from work and did very little.  Most days I sat and stared at the television but "no-one was home". I couldn't speak, I couldn't think.

My first 6-weekly checkup has been and gone recently and the Lymphoma has now reached my neck... we continue to watch and wait.  In the meantime I battle with Fatigue.

I have returned to work amongst the uncertainty of organisational change but it focuses my mind on another topic and life must go on.

So here I am, I watch and I wait.