About Me

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My name is Samantha, Sammy to many of my family, Sam to my friends. My blog describes the journey I have undertaken so far and the journey I continue to make having been diagnosed with Follicular Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma Stage 4 in December 2009. With the exception of surgery at point of diagnosis I have been actively monitored under a "watch and wait" approach and achieved 5 years without treatment and monitoring only last December. My prognosis is approximately 10 years but for every year we watched and waited I have felt positive that this would be extending that prognosis. I am very happily married to Roy and celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary last October and we have a beautiful 9-year old son Callum. My Step-Daughter, 20-year old Hayley who lived with us is now at University. Our house is awash with my beloved pets, our 2 Cavalier King Charles Spaniels, "Amber" and "Saffy", "Caboodle" the cat and "Elliott" the Rex rabbit. The opinions on this blog are my own and based on my personal experience.

Sunday 20 February 2011

Happy Anniversary

The anniversary of my Lymphoma diagnosis has been and gone.

In some respects it dampened our festive celebrations as I elected to spend our time quietly for fear of my emotional wellbeing; I wasn't quite sure how I was going to respond to the anniversary but Christmas did go well, my Son thoroughly enjoyed it and the opportunity to reflect the events of the past year was probably not such a bad thing. Sure there were tears, mainly on New Years Eve as we let go of the previous 12 months and welcomed in the coming year, with a chinese lantern release and champagne with my family in the North West. It was at that moment that I really realised how painful the year had been and the acceptance that future years would now always be uncertain.

A further CT scan has actually shown marginal reduction in the size of lymph nodes which was welcoming news but my spleen is enlarged, ever demonstrating the reality of the waxing and waning approach of this disease. But I continue on the "watch and wait" approach for the time being with a further review in April 2011.

The psychological effects continue to be a burden but counselling is ongoing as I continue through this process of accepting what life has thrown my way.

I have begun planning the future a little but try not to reflect on that too much but being the ever organised person that I am, taking this action does provide some degree of comfort knowing that things are 'in order' for the appropriate moment. The complexity and challenges of my Will still overcome me but I have begun to put together my thoughts and wishes for my departure, such as music, verses, flowers and so on and I have also started a memory box and documenting my Mummy Manual for my beautiful son and husband so my parenting needs and methods can continue and the memories are captured to help them remember. It's an incredibly hard thing to do but for those that have undergone this before I do believe it's also a truly courageous act; until you are faced with such a dilemma I don't think you could ever understand. It's saddening to undertake but a neccesity for me. My plan is to review the material annually and hopefully look back in 10 years having never needed to implement it.

I still continue to be plagued with physical symptoms; the continual fight against infection and extreme fatigue do not appear to be showing any signs of slowdown but I have come to expect this now and just live each day as best as I can. The return of the tumour to my groin never lets me forget the journey I am on but whilst I share my body with this disease, I also continue to fight it and I will win this battle.

My 40th year is just around the corner and I'm considering leaping out of a plane for charity in April to celebrate the occasion but I think that needs a little more thought (and work on my fear of heights!).

I wish you all well for the year ahead and I'll be back to blog again soon.